We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
