Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
