Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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