My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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