I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
