there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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