I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
