the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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