Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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