I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
