Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
