I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
