im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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