i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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