and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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