Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
