something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
