i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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