Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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