I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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