you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dicks are not precious.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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