so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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