so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
