My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
