i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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