Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
