If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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