I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
