Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
