he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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