At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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