I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
