You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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