he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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