No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
