We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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