Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
