Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So here I am, sexting at work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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