By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I didn't notice because vodka
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
