We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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