This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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