I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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