you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
