i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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