how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
