Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
