The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
