So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
