i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
too bad you live with your parents still
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
