so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
