I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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