im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
