You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
