Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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