I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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