unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
