What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
