I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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