I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
