life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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