Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
