when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
