I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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