Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
