do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
